ONLY A PHONE

[Many thanks for many offers of help, but the thing is back in the
shop, and I am back with my old, unfriendly and hard-to-read phone.
Technology and I were never meant to be a happy partnership.]

I had a little telephone - it never was my friend:
Its numbers were too small to see,
Which drove me round the bend.
And so, I bought a nice new phone,
Its keyboard clear and visible,
And tried so hard to boot it up -
Resulting in the risible.

I read the jolly little book - I studied it intensely,
Its grasp of what each wire bit meant
Impressed me quite immensely.
I got the myriad things unpacked
From many plastic billows,
Including sheets of bubble wrap
Resembling fairy pillows.

It seemed that further progress to boot my phone was not on:
No matter how I fiddled,
No further had I got on …
So I packed it up and took it back,
[The box itself was hellish]
Amid muttered imprecations that were
Alexander Graham Bellish …
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