THEY WIN

[Familiar to any gardener?]

Mildew on spiraea,
Weevil ‘neath the vine.
Gardeners, surrender!
You can’t have these.
They’re mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

GROANIUM

[A True and Tragic Tale]

I had a pelargonium,
The first I'd ever grownium,
I kept it in my garden
In a pot.
My friends all came and gazed at it,
They looked and were amazed at it,
They liked it in my garden
Quite a lot.

All summertime it burgeoned on,
Its rosy posies splurgeoned on,
A glory in my garden,
Not a blot.
Then Winter brought the frosty time,
For plants, a die-and-lost-me time:
My lovely pelargonium
I forgot.

I left it all aloneium,
My poor dear pelargonium,
All frozen in my garden,
Gone to rot.
No more would it abide with me,
All brown and sad, it died with me,
No comfort did I give it:
Not a jot.

Now, if from seed I've sownium
Comes one new pelargonium,
Forget it in my garden
I will not.
In Winter it's indoors with me,
It cuddles down and snores with me.
No garden bed for this one,
But a cot.
~~~~~~

THE FURY OF THE GARDEN

[As it really is]

Oh, the fury of the garden, when the soil is solid clay,
And today I watch a-dying all I planted yesterday.
When my back is full of twinges and my nails are full of dirt,
And the fence-wire, all unravelled, rips the sleeve from out my shirt.
When my plot's too wide and weedy and my path's too strait and narrow,
And I frequently fall off it as I wheel my weighty barrow.
When the woodworm's got my besom and the mower's got no oil,
And the happy, fertile aphis keeps his lovelife on the boil.
When the hedges won't stop growing and the grass won't even start
Through the daisies, moss and plantain which are my lawn's greater part.
When comes mellow Autumn and the layered leaves lie rotting,
And the clever chaps on telly scare me with systemic plotting.
Then I gaze up to my Maker, for this prayer I ask His pardon:
"Dear Lord, no more - I'll CONCRETE O'ER the fury of my garden".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

YAWN CHORUS

[They shouldn't wake up
before me ... ]

The birds in my garden
Who yell without pardon
And wake me too soon and too surly,
Have perhaps got good reason
Throughout every season
For waking so perishing early.

Now, I care for their needs,
And I buy nuts and seeds.
There are twee nesting boxes on branches,
And I've made them a bath
Which they slosh on the path
With war-cries like film set Comanches.
They're not grateful a bit
And they frequently spit
The oddest of seeds on my borders,
While their morning refrain
Is affecting my brain
Like an infant class learning recorders.

But if I spent the dark
Huddled up to cold bark
With my feathers on end like a duster,
Perhaps I'd greet the dawn
With a yell, not a yawn,
While my mates shrieked around at first muster.

So I'll make them snug beds
For their wee feathered heads,
With duvets from tail-tips to beak ends,
And then they and I both
Can sleep on in sloth,
Especially during the weekends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FLORAL TRIBUTE

[Well, can you spell it?]

I saw a dainty Grannybonnet,
Blossom to inspire a sonnet.
Then I found that I would needja
Word to rhyme with Aquilegia.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FLORAL TRIBUTE

[True - I’ve always loved ‘em.]

Chrysanthemum is an impossible word:
To rhyme it or scan it is silly.
But I do like Chrysanths,
So I'll just grow the plantz,
And I'll save all my rhymes for the lily.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FLORAL TRIBUTE

[Well, what would you do with it?]

A costly, well-bred young Delphinium
To grow simply would not beginium.
To hide such disgrace
There is only one place.
I've planted it in the dustbinium.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FLORAL TRIBUTE

[I had a garden once ... ]

Consider the robust Ranunculus,
So bold with its Aunts and its Unculus.
But touch it with frost,
And it's utterly lost:
It dies in a shivering funculus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FLORAL TRIBUTE

[To the garden that I
loved and lost]

I grew a crimson Peony,
The finest I had seony,
All stately, stout and sumptuous,
And positively bumptuous.
But then, a day or two away,
Its petals fell and blew away.
I'm glad I'm not that Peony.
I'm better off just being me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~