COME BACK TO ERIN

[Founded on regrettable fact]

To Ireland I'd go, to the land of my birth -
Or rather, the birth of my Daddy.
But why should you care Who was born where?
Oh well, if you're going to be faddy ...
To Liverpool then, I drove off, and when
I espied those big birds they call "Liver",
Had I known what was coming, I truly declare
I'd have shot them both off for a fiver.

Arrived at the Quay, to my utter dismay,
They said: "It's too rough - we're not sailing!
If to Eire you're crossing, the pitching and tossing
Will up-end you, weeping and wailing!"
So to Stranraer I went, on my crossing intent,
Though it took me a drive of five hours ...
And pitching and tossing, just as they said,
(At times quite convinced I was drownded and dead)
I sailed off through steel-rodded showers.

The time of my landing by now was well past,
And I knew I would land in quite unknown Belfast.
The sky glowered grey and the traffic was awful:
The drivers in Belfast may know what is lawful,
But oh! how I longed to be safely at home
And I prayed and I promised I'd never more roam ...
Then away, going South, to the land of my birth -
Sorry, the birth of my Daddy.
I said that before, so I'll mention no more
My views on all folk who are faddy.

My Hotel had closed down, so I drove round and round
In search of a bed I could sleep in,
A hovel would do - and then I came to
A thatched cabin where I could creep in.
My hostess was sweet, rosy cheeked and petite,
Crying "Mo Crea - and is it yourself?"
So I smothered the urge to keen - that's a dirge -
And reply "No - I'm somebody else ... "
From thereon it was grand and all went just as planned,
And I met with two hundred relations,
And the ceilidh was glorious, the fun was uproarious,
And the Family Tree made equations.

Back home I came then, and the Seacat behaved
As that feline had failed to before.
And to Liverpool's dock I came by the clock,
And I vowed I would go there no more.
Beloved old Eire, the land of my birth,
(No, we're NOT touching on that again ...)
The ghastliest crossing you may well be worth,
And the stress and the hassle and pain.
But if I go once more to the Emerald shore,
I shall first take advice from the Oracle,
Then over the sea I shall travel, just me:
Can anyone sell me a coracle?
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