THE BALLAD OF POOR NEDDY TWO

[Frivolous version]

Poor Neddy Two
Had a miserable do
When his chums all got into a passion,
And they finished him off
With a jeer and a scoff
In a very uncomfortable fashion.

They left him around
On an odd bit of ground
Till his environs turned rather nasty,
Then they called up some monks
(Big strong muscular hunks),
And they carted him off, pretty hasty.

“Now, where shall we dump him?”
They all asked each other.
“There’s got to be somewhere to shrine him!”
His lad, Neddy Three,
Said: “Oy! Hark to me,
And I’ll tell you just where to confine him!”

‘Cos Ned Three had looked round,
And quite quickly had found
In Gloucester an ambula-tory
In a ‘normous Church there
Which had spaces to spare,
And he’d said: “There’s the place for Dad’s story!”

So they came and they delved
(While all else just got shelved),
And Ned Two being dead was a fine thing,
‘Cos the money rolled in
Just to make up for sin,
And for Ned Two they built a great shrine thing!

Now, Neddy Two’s Queen
Quite horrid had been,
So Ned Three was well chuffed to have lost her,
And he said: “I’m that glad:
That we’ve tucked up our Dad
In this gorgeous great shrine, here in Gloucester!”
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